sadism, punishment, and money management :-)

So, I have not written in a week, and it's due, I believe.

Since the last time I posted, which was the letter from my little slave, things have been going blissfully well. My hormones have leveled out, which is lovely for me, and for my pet.

So, I want to talk about sadism.

I have never before in my life, thought of myself as a sadist. I have never even considered the thought of enjoying the pain of another person, or living being. In fact, in the past, I would have felt no connection to this concept at all. I would have shuddered at the thought of "hurting" someone.

This is no longer the case.

Understanding that my husband is a masochist, pain holds a whole new meaning in my life. Pain is now a threat, that I dole out when, and if, I need to. Seeing the way that it affects him makes me excited. I love to show my dominance by hurting him. Weather he wants it or not. Its liberating. Sometimes I beat him with a horse whip until he cries.

I went to a near-by resort with his family that came down to visit us. We all got drunk and had fun while he dog-sat. When I called him the next morning he was half asleep and his attitude was not what I would call acceptable. When I came home I tied him up and beat him until he had welts and was crying. It was so satisfying to be able to punish him. I love that he is willing to submit to my whims.

I no longer immediately associate physical pain with emotional duress. I think this might be one of the biggest hurdles that women go through, when beginning a relationship like the one I am in. I am not under the impression that every man who is submissive, is masochistic. I know this is not the case. My husband happens to be submissive, AND masochistic. The pain is almost a drug. A drug that makes him MORE submissive, and even happy. It is not something I typically use to solve arguments, although we have used it as "punishment" on more than one occasion of misbehavior. The truth is, in those scenarios, he was almost always the one to suggest that I "punish" him. In this way, it isn't really a punishment. Although I feel the satisfaction of taking my frustration out on him physically, he still get's what he wants.

In the last post, there was a comment from George, about punishing my little pet with different methods. In the blog femdom101 (also at blogspot) Kathy talks about a couple that handles things in a unique way. The wife tells her husband to go out back and dig a hole. She tells him the size and depth it should be, but does not tell him why. Upon his completion of the hole, she tosses a stick in, and tells him to bury it. Later, she tells him it's in the wrong spot and makes him dig it up and bury it in another place. I love the concept of this punishment. It is both physically wearing and frustrating. At any point after this, when the husband misbehaves, she simply says, "fetch the stick". It's awesome, to say the least.

One of the ways I like to punish my slave, is to pick out romantic comedies to watch with him. Now we all know, that romantic comedies are also known as chick flicks, and honestly, not very many of them are that good, unless you love useless mush. Usually, one viewing is all that is necessary. Some of them are downright atrocious. Another TV related thing I like to torture him with is Greys Anatomy. It is sappy, silly, and dramatic. I love it... he loathes it. It makes for a very enjoyable time when he has been bad.

Now, to be honest, he is pretty good, most of the time. I wrote one of my blogs while I was on my period, and I'm afraid that I may have given an unbalanced view of my husband. I have said in past blogs that, before we really began our true dom/sub relationship that I did almost all of the housework. I should have specified, that the comment only really applied to AFTER we moved to South America. When we lived in the US, I worked a regular job, and he was home, and we were remodeling his house, so he did do a lot of work. When we moved here, yes I did more housework, however, he did most of the shopping, and all of the bill-paying errands. In a way, it was balanced. Our roles have changed dramatically in this new lifestyle. Every purchase must be approved by yours truly, and housework is almost always done by my pet. We have (more or less) equal say in money matters. I think that is essential for any relationship. I don't trust myself to make all of our financial decisions, and he is an online trader, and understands the relationship of money and investment much better than I. We have found a fairly level ground in that area.

No relationship is easy. An "alternative" relationship isn't much different. We are all constantly searching for what works best in each situation. What works for me, may not work for you. And that's ok.

I'm happy, my husband is happy, and to me, that is bliss.

Learning Curve (part 2)

The truth is, control is a huge responsibility.


I think this may be the most intimidating part of beginning a female-led relationship. It is also part of the reason it is difficult to change gears in a relationship that is already established in another direction. My husband confessed to me, after we began practicing this lifestyle again, that he tried so hard to be "normal" because he really wanted our relationship to work. He didn't know if I could, or would even want to, be in control. I wasn't sure either, but I felt like what we were trying to make our relationship into was a lie. He wasn't happy, and I wasn't happy. We struggled. We still struggle, but at least now, there is a much more honest approach, and my knowledge of my husbands desire to be submissive does make things more simple. I have the last say, in most cases.

Now, the problem that is hard to look at in female-led relationship, is that if the woman doesn't want to change, she doesn't have to. The male is open to any change that his mistress wants. Being the person that I am, I want to grow spiritually and emotionally. I am 27 and my husband will be 30 in October. We have so much growing left to do, so much to learn about ourselves and our desires. It would be wrong for me to deny my husband the option to tell me when he thinks I am going in the wrong direction. I value his opinion, above all others. However, I don't know a lot of people that take "creative criticism" well, and frankly, I know for a fact that I don't. Being the dominant person, this leaves room for me to push him out, even when he's right. This is something we have not yet found a solution for, other than having the fight, and working through it that way.

Then there are times, like when we fight, that he acts inappropriately. He loses his temper, even yells at me sometimes, and that is just not acceptable in a female-led relationship. It really isn't acceptable for any relationship. But the benefit of this lifestyle, is that when he acts out in a way that I don't like, there is the option of punishment. The punishment can be physical or mental, but never emotional. I never withhold myself emotionally from my husband. I try to always be honest about my feelings with him, and I would expect the same.

Back to the punishment.

My husband is a masochist. If you want more details, click the word. Basically, it means that my husband enjoys some kinds of pain. This is something that is really hard for some people to understand. However, if you talk to a masochist about it, they will tell you that pain given to them by a sexual partner (or sometimes even in cases not involving sex) is almost like a drug. It takes their mind to a different place, and also helps them to be more submissive.

The aspect of causing someone physical pain as punishment seems barbaric. I had a very hard time with it at first. I entered my relationship with the man who is now my husband when I was 23. In some ways it's a benefit, and in some ways it's a hindrance. I didn't know much at all about masochism, and I was literally afraid to hurt him. It's only been in the past two months that I have even been able to hit him hard enough with the riding crop to leave a bruise. The really funny thing is, he told me that when he saw the bruises in the mirror, it made him smile, and it made him thankful that he had a mistress who was not afraid to be strict.

There are other forms of punishment. Chores are a good one. I like nothing better than seeing my husband do dishes, or mop the floors. The first three years of our relationship, I did ALL the housework, pretty much. This has changed a great deal since we stepped into our new roles.

I also control when, and how, he has orgasms. Orgasm management is something I really, truly did not understand until I read the blog Around Her Finger. Now that I get it, I love what it does for us. When we were younger, I used to have to beg for sex. I would cry regularly, having been rejected YET AGAIN, when making advances for sex. I waited until I was 23 to have sex for the first time, and when I found the man I wanted to be with, our libidos did not match. This was the cause of probably hundreds of our fights.

Now that I manage his orgasms, we have sex whenever it pleases me, and he only orgasms if I say he can. Often we have sex, then he goes down on me until I orgasm several times, and then we are finished. There is always cuddling. At first it was strange to orgasm, and not have it completed by his. But you get used to it, and so does he. It's a strange concept though, taking away something he really wants, yet he loves that I have control of it. When he does get to orgasm, he claims that they are more potent, stronger, and more powerful than his orgasms of the past. He doesn't get to masturbate anymore either, which helps. His sexual energy is saved completely for his mistress, and that is how it should be.

I don't claim to know a lot about female dominance. I get the concept. But the execution is a little harder to accomplish. I am not an experienced mistress, but I will get there. :-)

Mission Statement

My reasons, personal and otherwise, for starting this blog, is to create a greater understanding about relationships, how to make them better, and to help people find an understanding for why some work, and some don't. I will cover subjects that are sometimes considered taboo, and talk about relationships that some would consider to be unhealthy, or even deranged. Every person, like their fingerprints, is completely different than any other. Different lifestyles, different preferences, different personalities. What I want to do with this blog, is to help people find understanding for one another, while opening the door for other people to learn about different kinds of relationships, and the different kinds of problems that people run into along the way.

I want to say outright, that my blogs are never meant to be critical. I have no right to judge anyone, as they have just as little right to judge me. I love the diversity of human beings, and your right to make your own choices is upheld here, above anything else. However, my observations and opinions are a matter of free speech, so if you come here seeking advice, or just want to leave a comment, I may or may not answer in a way that pleases everyone, but I will do my best not to offend.

My pen name, IsisRising, refers to the ancient Egyptian goddess Isis, who was a goddess in Ancient Egyptian religious beliefs, whose worship spread throughout the Greco-Roman world. She was worshiped as the ideal mother and wife as well as the matron of nature and magic. She was the friend of slaves, sinners, artisans, the downtrodden, as well as listening to the prayers of the wealthy, maidens, aristocrats and rulers.^[1] Isis is the Goddess of motherhood, magic and fertility.

There is nothing wrong with being a strong, dominant woman.