After a suggestion from a friend, I decided to have my husband/slave write this blog. I think it's very insightful into the mind of a submissive, and even helps me understand him better. Enjoy!
So I am the sub in question.
At the urging of a friend of my Mistress, I decided to write this blog. I have been interested in what I found out to be BDSM since adolescence. I did not know that this was something that people did. I thought I was a major freak and for a long time I didn't really date. Some people thought I was gay, and others thought my standards were very high. I always liked to be in a submissive role. I was used as a sex object/toy by a few relationships. I liked it, but the women always ended up feeling guilty. Also, I have noticed that women in general have confidence problems. I think that all people have problems with self esteem. Men in general just hide it better, yell a lot, and die younger.
I never wanted to be in a normal relationship. I struggled for most of my post-pubescent life with this. I saw a number of therapists concerning my interest in pain, and total submission to a woman. I was told (a few times) that its really not a big deal, and that as long as everyone is happy, it is really not a problem. From that point on, I really started to get more serious about finding a woman to own my sorry butt. You never really know what something is like until you try it.
My first real experience with a completely submissive relationship was when I was 25. I was honest with the woman and told her that I had no experience. She was understanding, and we started slow. She said she didn't really think it would work, but she was willing to try. I was a total slut. She did wonderfully sadistic things to me, and I loved it.
She left a lot of lasting marks. On my body they lasted only a few days... in my mind they have never faded.
I was totally hooked, and she could see that I was totally submissive and willing to learn. But as life goes, she found someone she was more interested in, and as a totally pathetic sub, I thanked her for all of her time, and only spoke to her when she wanted after that. I took a little time off, and had a few "normal" girlfriends. It was fun. One or two of them I liked, but I knew that it was not for me.
Total submission is hard. A 24/7 submissive role can be hard to take. I am really submissive, and until my Mistress and I started doing this all the time I didn't really understand. At the same time, being a slave to my Mistress is the most fulfilling thing I have ever done. I am the happiest I have ever been. She loves to see me being happy. She loves to see me on my knees, she knows that I am totally happy serving her.
It is hard to break out of the roles that you are expected to fill. I still have a hard time believing that she respects me. I am so happy, but the way we act towards each other and the relationship is so atypical. As much as I have a hard time with my feelings of emasculation, I know Mistress has a hard time being "mean". We have talked about how my former Mistress would beat and sodomize me. Mistress said, "Wow, that's so mean". I don't think it is. It's something that we both liked.
Some people would think that treating your spouse like a slave and telling him to wear a collar is mean, or even abusive. And here I am in a collar writing this, and we are both happy.
Its never easy to make a change, so why would this be any different? We will always struggle... life is a struggle. We are happy, and for the first time in our relationship my wife has some confidence. Before we started the full time D/S relationship she had none. And very little emotional control. With the advent of the lifestyle changes, I have seen a huge change. Its a great change for the better, and she now has the desire to have emotional control. Its wonderful to see real happiness in the person you love. My relationship with my wife is the best part of my life. I make every day an attempt to make a step closer to total submission. I know that every day Mistress makes a step closer to comfortable control of our lives.
- I am 27, married, and I am a loving and dominant wife. I live in a quiet, South American coastal village with my husband and our two dogs. I have been writing as long as I can remember. I have had much experience with relationships in my short life, having cared for the elderly, and the terminally ill for five years. I learned early about the value of honesty, with yourself and those close to you. This blog is about teaching that lesson to others, and helping them better their relationships of all forms.